I’ve been busy, became sick, became busy and sick. I still have 1 month to go before my contract ends and 3 weeks before my term ends. I’ve lost around 2-3 kg, almost passed out last Sunday out of excruciating stomach pain + PMS. I’m still recovering from my illness and my appetite is not what its used to be.

I miss laughing genuinely, and laughing really hard until my stomach hurts. I’ve become so silent now, oversensitive, and irritable. I’m tired and exhausted. I badly miss my friends and the freedom I used to have. I may be living comfortably now–free shelter and free food, but internally, I’m very uncomfortable with living under mother’s scrutiny.

Our current M & E Officer applied for another organization. She already has her contract but is still waiting for the response of the other side. She’s encouraging me to apply for the position when she decides to leave. That means two (2) things for me: (1) a regular position means regular salary with benefits including leaves and (2) a place where my mother’s influence is out of reach and where I can carve my own path and be known for who I am and what I can do.

If ever I do get hired, there’s a possibility the position might be Manila-based which also works in my favor. I just need to go back here every now and then to monitor or evaluate the team, the implementation of the project, and the attainment of the objectives. 

I hope this really is it. Help me Lord. I need more strength, perseverance and tons of patience.

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