I am losing interest again in my studies and work. It’s difficult when work and family stress combine. I have to write a 1000-word (minimum) critical review dammit.
Valentine’s day as usual was boring, but I had fun last night with my high school friend coming over to watch movie and K-drama. We also watched the first half of the 2014 Olympics men’s figure skating at Sochi to support our lone and youngest contestant in the division, Michael Christian Martinez (so fucking proud of this kid; so ashamed of our government *sighs*) We slept around past 1:30 AM and woke up around 2:45 to watch Yuzuru Hanyu’s performance (heavens that guy is such a cutie patootie, he doesn’t look like 19 >.<). To tell the truth though, I wasn’t able to enjoy watching the skating program because my mother was also watching.
As long as I’m here, I can’t freely express myself, I can’t control my life, I can’t be myself. Yesterday, I was also reminded again of how much control she exerts over my life as I went as back-up for another activity’s project. “Where will your activity be held? At school? You should do well, you’re the daughter of Ma’am X.” Meaning: Do NOT shame ME. THESE. WORDS. KILL. ME. EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. As long as I’m here, I will forever live in her damn shadow. I will never have my freedom and peace. I’m already contemplating on going a trip to Bali, Indonesia, all by myself. Just let me escape this suffocating life for a while.
On another note, jerk talked to me yesterday after 1 1/2 months, like nothing happened. If I didn’t greet him a generic valentine greeting, he wouldn’t be talking to me. Oh well. At least, 1/3 of my stress is gone.
“Happy valentines T! Sorry, I can’t reply I have no load anymore..all the best.. :)”
All the best, shibalnom!