This will be a rant. Please don’t read this if you don’t want to be pissed. Thank you. And for those who still dared to read, thank you. This post is all over the place, so thank you for your patience.
It’s been a month since we started our classes for the 2nd trimester and here I am still too lazy to read, write, and post anything in my 2 courses.
My motivation has waned primarily because we’re still working on our project. We are waiting for the extension of our contracts, despite having ended for almost a month now. And that means we haven’t had our salary yet for September. In addition, imagine our frustration regarding the almost non-existent boss who has her hands already full and still likes to commit herself to many other things. It’s like dealing with an addict-slash-hoarder.
I’m angry and frustrated and I wake up everyday feeling tired and aching all over.
I want our work to end already so I can focus more on my studies and print all the necessary learning materials (I’m partial to paper because I find it difficult to read things onscreen and because I like highlighting and writing notes on the margins).
Also, I can’t concentrate thinking of another person whom I think does not have the same degree of affection I have for him as he has for me. Although I will terribly miss him, I want to leave because the more I stay here, the more I can’t restrain myself. Love, you see, has this weird effect of making me even more crazier than usual (crazy is my normal state). Sometimes, I’d rather fall in love with a fictional character than someone in real life. It’s so much easier–no mind games, no failed expectations, no heartbreaks. It’s so hard to get your hopes up only to be crushed. And the cycle repeats all over again. It’s been 5 years since the last time I was crazy in love. I am hesitant to let go because I think he is the one. It has already come to the point where I want to confess my feelings already and stop this madness. I’d rather be embarrassed for several minutes (or hours or days) than regret it for the rest of my life, as I have already too much I have regretted on.
Anyway, to end all this ranting, I really wish I could find my motivation back. I really do. Please wish me luck.