I want to be assertive, to be cheerful again, to be the girl who once believed in unicorns and rainbows.

I can’t remember when and how I’ve started to become like this. I just woke up one day and realized how much I’ve changed. How much quieter I’ve been. How much depressed and angry I’ve been.

Yesterday, my former professors still recognized my face. But they remembered me for being the quiet one. The one who rarely talks in class, the one that rarely asks questions or consults them.

In high school, I was also like that. My fourth year adviser once said (it was the first day of classes, what a way to start my school year) that I was a “silent killer”. I was quiet inside the classroom, but outside–I was headstrong, aggressive, suplada.

I didn’t know when did I start to build my own happy world inside my head. Things that could have been. Should have been. Might have been.

I want to change. I want to laugh, love, and live.

I want to be happy.


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